Not everything is perfect...

Well, if you've been reading up on any of my posts then you would know that I'm putting together a nice little 2013. What you wouldn't know is that I fully censor what I put on here, and that everything isn't what it seems. I've gone and fucked up something that was going quite well, by trying to make more out of it than was possible. Honestly, I've been so up and down throughout this year, that the good things going on are only slightly outweighing what I feel when I'm down. Long story short, I'm afraid I really fucked a great friendship because I thought something more could be there... and because everyone me around thought something more was already there. I've come a long way from the hole I was in last year, and this has certainly been a better year. I'm still missing something though.

A nice little 2013 ...

After a fantastic week in Sydney and having just completed a great night watching fireworks with Sasky, she mentioned that seeing the sun rise on the beach would be a good way to bring in the new year.  With an hour or so of sleep, we went to Bondi Beach early in the morning to see the sun rise on 2013.  The sunrise wasn't the beautiful spectacle it normally is, however the year has started off quite well nonetheless. 

I'll update this throughout the year, and I just know that Sasky is right ...

2013 is going to be a much better year than 2012 was, for both of us.

January:

• Australia trip, hanging with Sasky for a week, and all the fantasticness that went on there.
• A day of walking around Baltimore and taking pictures with McGrady and Melanie.
• Working at the Orioles FanFest.

February:

• Ravens win the Super Bowl
• An 150th Anniversary Stoke City (personalized with American Geoff Cameron) top shows up at my front door, from Phil and Anna.
• A 9 hour, international, Google+ Hangout Saturday with Phil, Anna, and Michael, & then watching A-League soccer into the wee hours of the night.

March:

• Won tickets to Darius Rucker, Rodney Atkins, and Jana Kramer on WPOC, by being caller #9.
• Asked to DJ a wedding in New York, for a great friend's wedding.
• Started my legacy, the only way I know how right now, by starting to send photo books around the world.

April:

• Refereed the University of Maryland v Washington Spirit Pro exibition game.
• Finished 2nd in an NCAA Men's basketball bracket, and even led for awhile.
• Caps win the SouthEast Division, and head into the playoffs as the 3rd seed.

May:

• Not really a good month actually.  There were a bunch more downs than ups this month, and the ups kindof felt like pieces that were pit of place this time around.  I was a bit alone this month, even when I was out with other people.
• Some good days watching the Giro d'Italia or F1.
• Fun with Scotty in studio and watching the Face Off Hockey Show Hockey Team.

What has Lance Armstrong done?

For me, Lance Armstrong:

• gave cancer patients someone to look up to, and to continue to fight against the disease because of.
• got me into better shape.
• started me cycling. Which is where I think about life most often.
• started me following cycling, and watching the grand tours. Which gave me a connection with some friends that are very close now.
• started a great foundation, that I'll continue to donate to.
• started a great foundation that helps me track my daily calories by having the largest food database I could find.
• started a great foundation that has raised millions upon millions of dollars for the research of a cure for cancer.

One year ago...

So, I've been thinking a lot recently.  I'm very sure that when I eventually die, "thinking myself to death" might be the reason that's on the certificate.  This normally happens to me though when I've done something that makes me reconsider what I'm doing with my life or what I've done with my life. Meeting someone that I'm in awe of and being quite happy with everything going on in my life right now has turned me into reminiscing on the past year of my life. I'd love to be able to tell you that this is going to be some eloquent post, written with actual sentences and paragraphs, but it won't be. I think in bullet points, so that's what you get.

Last year at this time, I was:

• walking around aimlessly.  Without purpose, without direction, and without an actual goal in sight.  The "light at the end of the tunnel" was more likely the train and not the end of the tunnel.
• a new home owner.  After luckily falling into a good housing opportunity, and having a great friend help me out completely.
• rearranging my life, and dealing with living by myself for the first time ever.
• dreading waking up each morning, and going to a job that I wasn't appreciated at.  While also preparing to be without a job.  Knowing that February would be the end of a 12 year career at the same company.  My first job out of college.
• quite unhappy with life and also quite alone.  I do thank the people that I talked to a lot last year, but no matter what was actually said to me, it was really just going in one ear and out the other.
• very stressed out about what I was going to do.

365 days can be a lifetime though.  I was told, by a smart person, that she's found "the worst year you've encountered is normally followed up by the best year you've encountered".  I feel like 2012 was good to me.  The best year?  I think I could've done more to try to end the world.  Certainly a better year and my life has turned around.  So, in the last year, I:

• received a book called "What Color is Your Parachute?", that got my head around finding a new job and creating a new career.
• got a new job, that I'm currently very happy with, and that I'm appreciated at.
• decided to upgrade my closet with many new Express fitted dress shirts.
• refereed my first ACC soccer game.
• witnessed my cousin get married.
• got to go to an Orioles playoff game.
• traveled to Australia, for a great friend's wedding, and hung out with one of the most amazing girls I could possibly have in my life.

I don't tell you this to make me seem like I'm great, and everything wasn't perfect throughout the whole year, but if you know me at all then you know what a shit word "perfect" is anyway. Like I said above, all in all it was a good year. It was probably the exact year that I needed to feel like myself again. I needed to be appreciated. I needed to accomplish some long time goals. I needed to believe in myself. I would've liked to have met someone to date too, but I'll have to leave something to do for this year.

Fighting for out of your league

I've had a lot of time to think recently, and to be a bit more alone than I normally am. Being on planes flying around the world, screwing with your sleeping patterns, and having a couple more days from work will do that a guy I guess.  Plus drinking by yourself might have its usefulness. All joking aside and with the above being said, I think I've had an epiphany, or maybe I'm finally able to put into words, something that I've been thinking about for a long time now.

I always seem to be interested in girls that are far out of my league. 

Whether I try to talk myself into the fact that she isn't, to try to calm myself down, the fact of the matter though, is that she always is. Every girl that I've ever been fully interested in has been so amazingly far out of my league. The question that keeps popping up in my head though (and I don't have a solid answer for) ... Do I continue doing that to myself (I'm not getting any younger you know)? Do I continue to be interested in girls that are so far out of my league? And if the answer continues to be yes, then I need to learn, at some point in the very near future, to stop getting discouraged if it doesn't work out or I don't really get a chance.  Because it's really not meant to work out in the first place. The hardest part of continuing down this destructive path I have myself on, will be to stop getting discouraged time after time. To realize that I would need it to really work but one time, just one time, it will work out and then I'll have found that absolutely amazing girl that I've been chasing for my lifetime. I guess the real epiphany comes in realizing that the reason I always chase after girls out of my league, is because of an incessant need to find someone that is better than me. Someone to learn from, someone to grow with, and someone to be a better person because of. I've always liked the quote "If you're the smartest person in the room, then you're in the wrong room", but I seem to be only just realizing that I'm actually trying to live that way.

At the end of the day, I'll have to keep trying. So maybe I have my answer after all.  I don't know any other way, and it really only takes one chance after all, right? Like Blake Shelton says, in his song "Over" ... "I don't wanna fall asleep alone, and wake up knowing that I died without the one."

Off to Australia

Happy New Year to you. It sure has been awhile since I've sat down to this mess of a blog. I do have a couple posts, right off the hop, to bring in the new year. A lot has gone on, for the better, in 2012. I'm still processing how absolutely amazing my friend is, to be quite honest. She's truly one of the very few, very special, very attractive, and very amazing people in my life. I think I'm just going get into the list before I start missing her already.

So, without further adieu, in no real order (because I've lost track of days)... My amazing trip to Sydney.

• I watched The Bourne Legacy, and Ted on the way there ...The Avengers, and The Wrestler on the way back.  Ate four plane meals, snacks in the meantime, listened to hours of music, and slept.
• My friend met me straight off at the airport, with a huge smile, a kiss on the cheek, and a "where the fuck have you been?" type of look, 
• We walked all around Sydney, 
• We saw the Sydney Opera House, 
• We saw the Sydney Harbour bridge, 
• We saw Hyde Park in Sydney, 
• We went down to The Rocks, 
• We took a ferry to Manly for some beach time, 
• We put our feet into the Pacific Ocean, for the first time, in December, that I've been in an Ocean, 
• We took a train to Sydney Olympic Park, 
• We rode in all sorts of public transportation, 
• We watched a live Twenty20 Big Bash cricket match and she explained what was going on, 
• We went to a great wedding, for a long time friend, and she met most all of my friends that I have from growing up. 
• She danced the night away at the reception, while I sang the tunes on the bus to the after party. 
• We ate some proper fish and chips, burgers and chips, Chinese, sushi, Mexican, and a brunch that consisted of French toast, maple syrup, bacon, and vanilla ice cream (twice on the brunch), 
• We watched the New Years Eve fireworks, from the stands of a cricket grounds in Valcluse (so there weren't as many people and we could see the whole harbor), 
• We watched the World Series of Darts (to which she even found me darts with American flags), 
• We went to an amazing 20,000 seat stadium for an A-league match and hung out with all the officials after the game (because she just happened to know the center), 
• We watched the sun rise on Bondi Beach on New Year's Day (just to see the sun rise on the beginning of a great year for both of us), 
• We got thrown out of a bar, after I drank three beers, because there was a fight, the police was there, and I was tired (read: "looked drunk"), 
• We got asked, "Who do we sing for?" To which the correct response is "We sing for Wanderers", especially while wearing an USA away top. 

I'm sure I'll think of more that went on, but I'm currently in the process of trying to shut down my brain and go to sleep. No matter what, you can see from the list above that my friend certainly showed me a lot in a five day span. I'll never be able to repay her for the hospitality and generosity that she's showed me, but I surely hope that I have the chance to try. I'd really like to see her again.

Flyers/Rangers 24/7 HBO Series - Ep. 3

This is the show I've been looking forward to.  Last year, the Caps/Pens game, at Verizon Center before the Winter Classic, was absolutely amazing.  It seemed like an hour long look into one game.

Another year, another family skate and bad sweater party ... this year for the Rangers (and yes, the Flyers one was before in the 24/7 series).  Some amazing sweaters and outfits for the party.  You have to love any time someone has a sweater that lights up ha.

I really like Claude Giroux.  Glad to see that things weren't too bad, gets right back into the mix, and has some nice banter at the faceoff dot.  Laviolette gets to show he's that asshole I talked about last post.  Still a fucking joke.  It's not like Ott did anything wrong, and Laviolette proves to be a dick yet again.  There's no need for him to bust through and go to the locker room ... then to laugh it off at the end of the game proves what a fucking joke he is.

Again, HBO does a great job bringing hockey players to the fan as people.  Seeing Gaborik pick out a tree, and then carry it home was pretty funny.  There's a bit of the Islanders/Rangers, cross town, rivalry, but too much time has gone by in this episode.  Bring on the Flyers/Rangers game ... all cameras on deck.

This game starts with the teams walking into MSG, and dives right into the game.  It's time like this where I wonder why Shop.NHL.com doesn't sell any team issued gear.  There are some really nice tops that fans can't buy.  I'd like to pick up a nice Caps jacket, just like the players wear, but I digress.  The hitting in this game is intense, and the HBO cameras are right there to capture it all.  Something I've noticed throughout the three episodes so far though is the addition of the coaches being mic-ed up.  I don't really like how HBO drops them into situations ... it's a bit distracting actually.  Rupp is great, his talk is spot on and right to point.  Then, another look into the war room.  Just like last year, a look into what goes on during reviews.  It's awesome to see that, and see what gets looked at to check those goals.  I also love how HBO goes back and forth between coaches at 2nd intermission.  Both coaches working on their teams, imploring them to work harder and to score the next goal.  Then the Rangers come right out and make it happen ... 3-0 Rangers.  The game ends up 4-2, just like Laviolette said, only it's the Rangers that win this one.  HBO didn't seem to do as much on this game as they did in the Caps/Pans game last season.  Maybe there's more to talk about, or the game wasn't like last year's.  Who knows.

Christmas at the Bryzgalov household shows his husky, and then another interview ... talking about the many faces of Iyla.  Bryz doesn't seem the happy-go-lucky person he was over the previous two episodes though.  The last couple games seem to be getting to him a bit.  They haven't turned out great for the guy.  Then they go from there to Brian Boyle and his 12 siblings.  13 kids ... that's amazing.  It appears that HBO was more about putting together the Flyers and Rangers as "people that just happen to play hockey", instead to putting more into the Flyers/Rangers game.  I'm guessing this is the reason.

Then we get to see the rink going in at Citizens Bank Park.  This is the point where "Welcome to the Black Parade" became an opening that most Caps and Pens fan equate to a camera getting into Heinz Field.  This year also shows some awesome pictures of the rink and the beginning of construction.  Going into the Winter Classic, the Rangers are the team that's playing well ... and the Flyers are a bit up and down.  One more episode, that concludes with the Winter Classic.