Losing a good friend

It’s interesting losing someone that you were close to, at some point of your life... whether it was for years or months, this was someone you could honestly says “knows more about me than I ever tell anyone else”.

I’m a reserved person. Some would call it calculated even. I tell you what I want you to hear, nothing more and nothing less. There are just some people, in this world, that I become very close to... very open with... and that rule about telling you what I want you to hear, goes right out the window. These are the people that I consider close, and I have a feeling that I’m starting to lose them.

There aren’t a lot of people I’m close to. It like the X-men maybe, they’re out there but people don’t know who they are. I’ve been close to less than 5 people in my life, give or take a little. So, it’s a bit sad when those people end up leaving. Granted, when they come back... we talk like nothing ever happened, but the in between time makes me feel like they’re gone. Nobody to talk to. Nobody to share the good things with. Nobody that really cares.

This has happened twice recently. Someone I’ve been friends with for 10+ years at this point, has just stopped. Not even a ‘happy birthday’ note on Facebook. It is what it is... she was always more into herself than anyone else in her life. But really? Maybe I just ended up being a dog sitter for half of the time, after she got married and had kids. The more recent one was someone I got close to quickly and someone who left just as quickly. I’m never one to allow someone to set plans and then never contact me. So, it sucks, but go fuck yourself. This was someone that I had a lot of fun with, and someone that could’ve been someone really close to me. Gone in a flash, and at no real fault of my own.

All in all, I’m a very reserved person. I have a ton of friends... that know this or know that about me, mostly it’s all what I want people to know. Some people are closer than that, but not many. Some people are father away, and someone that I go “I’m pretty certain I played soccer with her at some point”. At the end of the day though, it’s kindof sad when someone I was close to moves on. I don’t know if that seat at the round table should be filled, or left vacant. I don’t know if anyone would even come to be part of that group even. Finding someone to be close to might’ve even passed me by... like so many other people have. 

All the people that moved on with their lives, and no longer have a place for me... the single guy.

PS: I’m certain that I blame online dating for letting things like “ghosting” become mainstream and acceptable. Shit like this allows people to move on, without being a decent human being in the slightest, and believe that nothing is wrong with their behavior.