Wednesday, June 4, 2014

101 List... Revisited

So, I have my 101 List (it's on here toward the beginning of the blog) printed out and hanging in my cube at work. It's something that I see every day and it's something that others ask questions about. Those questions normally spur me on to continue accomplishing goals that I've set out for my life or to tell some great stories of goals that I've already accomplished in my life... and those are both good things.

Recently though, I had someone come over and kindof scoff at the "Family Matters" section of my 101 List... The first section... The top section, if you will. 

And it got me to thinking... Could I actually be happy with my life, knowing that I accomplished many of the goals that I set for myself, without ever falling in love and never having a family of my own?

This kindof goes back to the run I've had thinking about what my legacy could be (another post, and yes, I realize "thinking too much" will be my reason for death). I've thought about my legacy, and decided that I can create a quite good legacy for myself, just by being who I am, and by taking pictures of people or places that are dear to my friends and family. And then giving those pictures to them as gifts. Seeing life through the lens of a Nikon has some tremendous advantages, and I'm currently in many of my friend's house. So, I'm not exactly concerned with my legacy actually. I believe I'm on the right path and I believe that I'll be able to create a lasting legacy without ever having children or a family of my own creation.

But this question about happiness is different than the question about a legacy. It's actually quite scary. I'll need to sit down and reflect on happiness for a bit. I know, for a fact, that I'm not fully happy right now. My job is going really well, and I'm working myself back down to my playing weight, but I'm not happy. I'm not happy that I don't have someone to care about, to share life with, to think about, or to just be together. I had such an amazing night, with the USMNT win over Ghana in the World Cup. Almost a perfect night maybe... well except for the fact that I had no girl to share my joy with... nobody that I could just fully show how amazingly happy I was that night. So maybe I can't have a fulfilling life without finding love? I'm not sure honestly...